Even At Your Worst, God Will Never Leave You | The Wilderness

On December 10th I ended my 30th year on this earth with the Lord; the hardest year I’ve ever physically walked through. Although my word from the Lord last January was “freedom,” I felt as if this was the year of mourning and processing. Many tears were shed, many sorrows and pain. I even fell into the sin of gossip, bitterness and struggled with doubt, that is, doubting in the promises of the Lord. This was the year of being in a dry place with the Lord, while still seeking the Lord. Seeking Him for clarity as to how it was physically possible for one of His children to be born again, cleansed, yet, become entangled with addiction again. This led to the year my theology had changed. For I now know it is possible for true believers to be out of fellowship with God, yet still saved. For I now know how real Satan is and his aim —to steal, kill and destroy the very calling the Lord has on someone’s life, as I have witnessed this first hand with another believer in Christ.  Finally, this was the year I had to walk through the grieving process: Denial, Anger, Depression, and possibly, may be at a place of Acceptance.

IMG_5100But even through the darkness, this was also the year that I found out first hand of how faithful the Lord really is. That even at my worst, He loved me then, and loves me still. Through the anger, sin, desert and doubt,  this was the year that the Lord proved Himself to be there, teaching and molding me in the process of it.

Each time I fell to my knees and cried out to the Lord regarding my late sister, three hours or so my phone would ring from someone spiritually in-tuned with the Lord saying, “How are you doing? You were strongly on my heart this morning.” I’ll never forget back in June of this year as I cried to the Lord frustrated about job searching. He sent another random messenger my way just to encourage me that the Lord will provide a job in August, which happened just as he said. There were many instances that took place like this, and still continues today. This confirms that the Lord will never leave me nor will He desert me, just like He promised through His word (the Bible).

And even through the darkness of my sin, the Lord never abandoned me. Instead, He woke me up one night to draw me back to Himself with scriptures describing exactly what I was involved in and it’s consequences (4/10/18 Psalm 50:19-23). And in the midst of my struggle with doubt, I felt His gentle whisper deep within my spirit telling me to talk to Him about His words that I was doubting. So I did, and told Him why I’m having a hard time believing in what He said. Several weeks goes by and He answered my question through a sermon, allowing my doubt to flee. The Lord is faithful. He was there through it all and is still here with me.


In conclusion to my 30th year here on this earth, there are three important lessons that I have learned through that dark time.  

1) Death does not discriminate with age. For the length of life is only but the width of one hand. One day, I will stand before my King Jesus Christ, The Ruler of Heaven, and will give an account of my choices and the calling He has placed over my life, which was confirmed October of this year.

2) There is power in declaring The Word of God and His Promises over my life. For when I do this and I believe, I think different, therefore, I walk different.

3) Choosing to trust in the Lord and following His ways will produce FREEDOM in a believer’s life. No longer will one invite the presence of demons into their life, if they choose to trust and follow the Lord’s ways instead.

Today (12-11-18) I turned 31 years old. Special shout out to all of the love that was shown toward me.  It was a very special day! Thankful for the people that I have in my life. But even more so, thankful to be 31 years old with a genuine and authentic relationship with Christ. For knowing Him better than the year before, and for Him knowing me.

14 thoughts on “Even At Your Worst, God Will Never Leave You | The Wilderness

  1. Happy Belated Birthday! God is amazing at speaking to us in times we don’t think He will. Whether to rebuke, encourage, or remind us He is still there <3 I very related to the times He used others and scripture to speak to you.

    There is a blogger in particular who I keep thinking of you may connect with. Her name is Efua. Her blog is Grace Over Pain, and here is one of her blog posts that really spoke to me recently. I love her heart for Christ. This post covers trials she also went through and how God spoke to her through them.


    I'm going to share this post on my series Community Spotlight on Inside Cup. It is a series that comes out once a month giving shoutouts to bloggers and their posts. May God use this to speak to others.

    If you want to get to know other Christian bloggers you can check out last month's community spotlight 🙂 tons of awesome Christian men and women to connect to and hear their stories.


    1. I am completely lost for words right now! This interaction between us HAS to be a divine one, since the Lord blessed both of us in the process of it. Thank you SO much sis for the information and the shout out! Not even a week ago I asked the Lord to help me connect with other believers who have the same desires and I really believe this is an answered prayer. Will definitely check the links out, as well as your Community Spotlight on Inside Cup. By the way, the idea behind Inside Cup I absolutely LOVE since the key to this life and the life to come is found in knowing Him! Thank you again and happy to connect with you! May the Lord continue to use you sis! ttyl!

      1. <3 <3 <3 Our God IS LOVING, KIND, AND PRECIOUS! He truly cares for us. I was rereading over the scriptures "God shall supply all your needs according to His riches and glory."

        Praise Jesus for His hand <3

  2. I identify. I also went through a similar period of time in my life, after walking with the Lord for 30 years, that revisited me again the year my mother died. But the Lord lifted me out of that dark period of time and then he gave me this present ministry of writing what he teaches me each day, and posting it on the internet.

    I just had a birthday, too. I turned 69 December 31st.

    1. Thirty years walking with the Lord, wow! I look forward to reading about the wisdom He has taught you over the years! I am truly sorry to hear about your mother, death is never easy to come to grip with. But one day sis, Jesus Christ promises to personally wipe away every tear from our eyes…I look forward to that day! Blessings to you and will check out your “Aim to Please Him” blog soon! Happy Belated Birthday to you sis! ttyl!

    1. 🙂 Thankful for you sis and thank you for the mention and post description! I love how your compiling different posts on one page, almost as if this is another way of all of us learning more about our Father through His interactions within each of our lives! Looking forward to reading more and thank you again!

  3. Well a happy belated birthday to you!

    I really appreciate your humble transparency with your own struggles with sin. I think it creates a perfect space to show how God has been working in you and to encourage others that sin doesn’t disqualify us from God’s love. His grace is always available when we repent and accept it.

    Welcome to the blogging community, sister! T.R.’s page said you’re new here- she is a great one to follow by the way ☺️

    I hope God brings many more blessings your way and that 2019 is especially good to you!

    1. Aww thank you sis! Yes, T.R. is a wonderful woman of God, as the Lord used her post to convict me…lol! Thank you for taking the time to read my post sis and may your 2019 be fill with a multitude of blessings as well!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *